Online Dating Safety: How to Protect Yourself in the Apps

Entry No. 048 ·

On a Friday evening in a lived-in student flat, a woman in her early twenties in a plain oversized sweatshirt and wide jeans sits cross-legged on a worn sofa between two friends her age, all three leaning over her phone, its screen angled away, as she sets up her dating profile, one friend grinning and pointing. A deep rose pink cushion rests on her knees, string lights glow along a shelf of trailing plants, and a few more students chat and laugh over plain mugs nearby.

By The IF Team

Staying safe on dating apps comes down to three habits: share less than the app lets you, keep the conversation inside the app until someone has earned more, and act early — unmatch, block or report — the moment something feels wrong. Most online dating safety tips are about the first date, but much of what goes wrong starts earlier, in the app, so that is where this guide spends its time: what your profile gives away, who can see where you are, how to spot a fake or a scam, and what to do when someone crosses a line.

If something on a dating app has ever left you uneasy, you are not being paranoid, and you are not alone. In a Pew Research Center survey of American adults published in 2023, 48% of people who had used a dating site or app said their experience included at least one of four unwanted behaviours, from unsolicited explicit messages to contact that continued after they said no. None of that is your fault, and none of it means you should stop. It means the defaults deserve a second look.

We built IF, the dating app for everyone, single or in a relationship, with that second look in mind: no conversation opens on IF while either person is in a relationship, you decide whether you can be found in Search, and you can report or block anyone you can identify. The habits come first, though, because they protect you on any app.

How to stay safe on dating apps: the short version

  1. Build a profile that says who you are, not where to find you.
  2. Check what the app shows about your location and activity, and turn down what you can.
  3. Keep chatting in the app until the story adds up, and see them on video before you meet, ideally without handing over your number.
  4. Treat any request for money, codes or explicit photos as the end of the conversation.
  5. Block and report early. You do not need proof to protect yourself.
  6. When you do meet, make the plans yourself and tell a friend.

Dating app privacy: what your profile gives away

A dating profile is written for someone you might like, and read by everyone nearby. Most people guard their address and forget how easily ordinary details join up. A first name, a job title and a photo outside your office is enough for a determined stranger to find you on LinkedIn. A photo that also sits on your public Instagram can be matched in seconds with a reverse image search.

Before you publish, read your profile the way a stranger would. Look for:

  • Your surname, or a username you use on other sites
  • Your employer, or a uniform or lanyard with a logo on it
  • Your home, your street, your car’s number plate, or the view from your window
  • Your routine: the gym you go to at seven, the café you sit in every Saturday
  • Children, yours or anyone else’s
  • Photos that also appear on your public social accounts

None of this means being vague about who you are. A good profile is specific about your personality and your taste, and quiet about your coordinates. Let people earn the details that lead to your door. If it is a colleague or an ex you would rather not be seen by, how to hide your dating profile from people you know covers the settings app by app. On IF it starts with one switch: turn off Discoverable in Search, which is free, and a colleague who types in your email address finds nothing. Swipe is separate, so Block anyone you want kept out entirely.

Can people see your location on dating apps?

Usually not your exact location, but often more than you think. Most apps show other people a distance or an area rather than a pin on a map. The risk is in the precision. A distance given to the nearest mile, refreshed as you move and checked from a few different spots, can narrow down where someone lives, and security researchers have shown exactly that on several apps. It is why better-built apps round distances, and why rounding matters more in a village than in a city: “less than a mile away” covers thousands of people in a capital and a handful of houses somewhere quieter.

Location settings worth checking

  • Your phone’s location permission. Both iPhone and Android let you give an app your approximate location instead of your precise one. If your dating app still works that way, leave it there.
  • Any option to hide your distance or show only your town, especially if you live somewhere sparse.
  • Activity labels. “Active now” and “last seen” tell people when you are awake and when you are home. Hide them where the app lets you.
  • Photo metadata. A photo taken on a phone can carry the place it was taken. Apps generally strip it from profile photos, but a photo sent as a file or by email may keep it. On IF, every photo has its location data removed.

Keep the conversation in the app until trust is earned

Moving to WhatsApp, Instagram or text feels like progress, and it is often exactly what a scammer is hoping for. Your phone number is a key to other doors: it shows your name and photo on messaging apps, it can surface your profile on payment and caller-ID apps, and it is hard to take back. Inside the dating app, they can be blocked and reported. Outside it, you can still block them, but the app that knows their history can no longer step in.

There is no rule for how long to wait, but a fair test is this: you have seen them on a video call, their story matches their profile, and nothing about the pace makes you uneasy. If your app has no video calling, a one-off meeting link lets you see each other without swapping numbers first. We go through the options in whether it is safe to give a match your number.

Two small habits help as well. Leave your Instagram handle out of your bio until you want a particular person to have it, since it usually leads straight to your full name and your friends. And never share a one-time code. A match who asks you to read back a code that has just arrived by text is trying to take over an account in your name, however good the reason sounds.

How to spot a fake profile or a scam

Most dating apps are full of real people being slightly optimistic about their height. Some dishonesty is expected: in a Pew Research Center survey published in 2020, 71% of online daters said it was very common for people to lie about themselves to seem more desirable. A few extra centimetres is one thing. A person who does not exist is another, and the fakes follow patterns:

  • They are keen to move off the app within a few messages.
  • They cannot or will not video call, and the reasons keep changing.
  • The photos look like a magazine shoot, or show someone slightly different from one to the next.
  • The intensity arrives before the knowledge: talk of soulmates and a future together within days.
  • A dramatic backdrop — an oil rig, a posting overseas, a relative in hospital abroad — always stops them meeting.
  • Money appears in any form: a loan, a gift card, a customs fee, or an investment they are “happy to teach you”.

One of these alone proves nothing. Two or three together are a pattern. For the fake-profile side, including AI-generated photos, read how to tell if you are being catfished. For the money side, the signs of a romance scam set out how these schemes build trust before they ask.

A verification badge helps, but only with the question it answers. It usually shows that someone’s face matched their photos when they checked, not who they are or what they intend, and what each app’s badge actually means varies more than most people expect. If it is your own face on a stranger’s profile, see what to do when someone is using your photos.

Block early, and report even when you are not sure

You do not need to be certain someone is dangerous to stop talking to them. Unmatching ends a conversation, blocking stops that person reaching you, and reporting tells the platform, which can act on patterns you cannot see from one chat. If someone is rude once, unmatch. If they make you uneasy, block. If they threaten you, send something explicit you did not ask for, ask for money or seem to be under 18, report them as well. If you are not sure whether something is worth reporting, report it anyway: that is what the moderators are for. On IF, Report and Block sit on every profile you can identify, and every report is reviewed within 24 hours. What each of these does on a dating app is worth knowing before you need it.

Take screenshots before you unmatch or block, because on many apps the conversation disappears for both of you when you do. And resist the urge to investigate or confront someone yourself. Your job is to be safe, not to build the case.

On IF, you might also receive an IF, the sealed message that gives the app its name. If you do, you stay in control. Until it is revealed it shows no name and no words, so there is nothing to report yet: if you would rather not keep it, delete it, and turn off IF notifications if you want some quiet. Once an IF is revealed, you can Report and Block the sender like anyone else, and if anything ever feels wrong, IF support’s address is on our safety page.

Stopping early works both ways. If someone stops replying, unmatches you or says no, that is the answer. Looking for them somewhere else afterwards turns interest into pursuit. And if you are on the receiving end of that, what to do when someone won’t take no for an answer goes further.

If something has already gone wrong

If a match has threatened you, pressured you for money or photos, or made you feel unsafe, it is not your fault, and you do not have to deal with it alone. Save what you can: screenshots, usernames, dates. Report the profile on the app. If anyone demands money to keep private photos private, do not pay; paying rarely ends it, and you can report it to the police.

If you are ever in danger, contact your local emergency services. If money has changed hands, call your bank straight away and report the fraud to the police. And if it is weighing on you, talk to someone: a friend you trust, or a helpline.

Your data is part of your safety

Privacy is also about the company holding your photos and messages. Dating apps store some of the most personal things you will ever put online — your sexuality, your conversations, where you spend your evenings — and they do not all treat them the same way. Share only what you would be comfortable seeing in a data breach, and if your sexuality or gender identity could put you at risk where you live, think carefully about photos that show your face. Which dating apps sell your data is worth ten minutes before you sign up.

When you meet

The habits above do most of the work before you ever meet. For the date itself — where to go, who to tell, how to get home — our safety page keeps a short checklist worth reading before your first one. And keep one rule simple: if something feels wrong on the night, you are allowed to leave.

Where IF fits

IF is a dating app for everyone, single or in a relationship, and your status changes what you can do. Two single people use it like any dating app: a Like, once accepted, opens a chat. No Like, match or chat is possible while either person is marked as in a relationship, so no conversation ever opens on IF while either of you is in one. Status is self-declared.

Safety on IF starts with who can find you, and that is your call. Search is how people who already know you — by email address, phone number or Instagram handle — reach you on IF, and nobody is told when someone searches. Discoverable in Search is on by default; turn it off, for free, and a search for your details shows nothing to people you have no history with, as if you were not on IF, though people you share a match, a Like or an IF with may still find you.

A Search result shows your profile, your distance rounded to the nearest 5 km and whether you have been active this week. Turning Discoverable in Search off does not take you out of Swipe, where people nearby see your distance to the nearest kilometre or mile and the same activity marker, so the location habits above apply here too. Pause takes you out of Swipe, but not out of Search. If there is one person you want to keep out entirely — an ex, say — Block them: Block works on any profile you can see, including a Search result, and from then on neither of you can see or find the other on IF.

Moderation runs underneath all of it. Text in profiles, chats and IFs is checked automatically, and every photo is checked before it appears. Chats carry text, voice notes and GIFs from a filtered library, with no video calling and no way to send a photo, so nobody can send you a picture of their own there. And if anything crosses a line, voice notes included, report it. The selfie verification badge is optional: treat it as one signal, not a guarantee. IF is strictly for adults aged 18 and over.

Then there is the IF itself. Safety is not only about strangers: telling someone you already know how you feel is its own kind of exposure, especially when one of you is with someone else. Feelings like that are honest, and nothing to be ashamed of. You can say it to their face, but opening up like that has risks. You are potentially better off sending an IF: a private, sealed message of up to 250 characters that opens only once you are both single. They may be told an IF is waiting, never who sent it or what it says, though people can guess from context. And if the timing ever lines up, you are already there to show them how much you have always liked them. Saying it takes a little courage, and that is rather the point. Your first IF is free, and one honest IF may lead you to where you were meant to be all along.

Questions people ask

Are dating apps safe?

They can be, though not by default. The apps give you the tools — blocking, reporting, location settings, verification — and they work best when you use them early. Share slowly, keep the conversation in the app until someone has earned more, and leave the moment something feels wrong.

Is it safe to use your real name on a dating app?

Your first name is fine, and most apps expect it. Your surname is what makes you easy to look up, so leave it off your profile and out of your photos until you want someone to have it.

What should you not share on a dating app?

Your home address, your workplace, your surname, financial details, one-time codes and intimate photos. Your routine counts too: where you are every Tuesday evening is as useful to a stranger as where you live.

Can someone find you on a dating app with your phone number?

Some apps let people look you up by number, so check the settings. On many apps the bigger risk runs the other way: a number you give a match can lead them to your name and photo on messaging and payment apps, so hold it back until trust is earned. On IF it is your call: switch off Discoverable in Search, for free, and a search for your number shows nothing to people you have no history with.

How do you know if a dating profile is real?

Ask for a short video call. A real person will usually agree within a few days, even a shy one, and a fake will find a reason not to. Check that the photos look like one person across different settings, and step away if the conversation turns to money at any point.

Share slowly, trust what you notice, and let people earn the details. And when there is someone you do want to tell, an IF keeps your words sealed until the timing is right for you both.