Cuffing Season: What It Is and Why It Happens

Entry No. 180 ·

At an outdoor winter cinema on a cold, clear evening, a woman of about twenty-three and a man of about twenty-four share a deep rose pink blanket on a row of deckchairs among friends their age, all wrapped in plain coats, beanies and scarves with no lettering or logos, laughing at the screen just out of frame while strings of warm lights glow overhead.

By The IF Team

Cuffing season is the stretch of the colder months, roughly October to February, when single people are said to look for someone to settle down with until spring. The name comes from being “cuffed”: slang for being in a relationship. It happens because winter makes company feel more valuable — darker evenings, more nights in, a social calendar full of plus-ones and family questions — and there is some evidence that interest in dating really does rise at this time of year. A relationship that starts in winter is not doomed to end in March. What decides that is not the season but whether you both want the same thing.

If you find yourself suddenly wanting someone to share a sofa with as soon as the clocks change, you are not being needy and you are not alone. It is about as human as wanting a warmer coat.

The person you most want to spend the winter with is not always someone you can ask. They might be seeing someone, or you might be. That is where IF comes in: a way to say how you feel, honestly, whatever either of your relationship statuses and whoever you are drawn to. Singles and people in relationships alike bring the feelings that grew offline into IF, to be acted on when the time is right — this winter or a later one.

Where the term comes from

Merriam-Webster defines cuffing season as the period when unattached people look for a short-term romantic partner for the cold months, and traces the romantic sense of “cuffed” to African American English, popularised through rap and hip-hop, with the first known use around 2009. Within a few years it was everywhere: memes, playlists and a running joke that every autumn brings a wave of new couples and every spring brings a wave of break-ups.

The phrase has a playful cynicism to it, as if every winter romance were a convenience. Some are. Plenty are not.

Is cuffing season real? What the data shows

There is some evidence for a seasonal rhythm. When researchers analysed five years of Google searches in the United States, they found that searches for dating websites rose and fell in a six-month cycle, peaking in winter and again in early summer. The authors were careful about the cause: it could be an ancient rhythm, or simply the effect of holidays, weather and spare time.

The dating apps themselves report a winter surge too, though their figures are company data rather than independent research. The first Sunday of January is now known in the industry as Dating Sunday, the busiest day of the year for many apps. Ipsos, measuring app use across a panel of phones, found time spent on Hinge up by about 85% and on Bumble by about 63% on that day, compared with the Sunday before.

So something does shift in winter. What the data cannot tell you is whether those connections are flings or the beginnings of something long. That part is up to the people in them.

Why the colder months make us want someone

  • Evenings get long and dark. Plans move indoors, and a night in is better with someone to share it.
  • The social calendar fills with couples. Office parties, friends’ dinners and New Year’s Eve all come with an implied plus-one.
  • Family gatherings bring questions. “Are you seeing anyone?” lands differently in December.
  • The year ends. Reflection on what you have and what you want tends to arrive with the last weeks of the year.
  • Everyone else seems to be pairing up. Seeing couples everywhere can make being single feel louder than it did in August.

None of these is a bad reason to want company. They are, though, reasons to be honest with yourself about what kind of company you want, because “someone for winter” and “someone for life” call for very different conversations.

Cuffing or the real thing? Signs to watch

A winter romance can be either. A few signs help you tell which one you are in:

  • Their plans reach past February: a summer festival, a friend’s wedding in June, a trip in spring.
  • You are meeting the people who matter to them, not only seeing them on Friday nights.
  • The connection works in daylight too: walks, lunches, errands, not just evenings in.
  • They talk about what they want from dating in general, and it sounds like what you want.
  • On the other side: contact that only comes at night, no talk of anything beyond the next weekend, and a vague answer whenever you ask what this is.

If you cannot tell, ask. “I’m really enjoying this. Are you seeing it as a winter thing, or something more?” is a fair question at any time of year. The answer may be the one you want, or it may save you a bruising spring.

How to date well this winter

  1. Know what you want before the first date. If you want a relationship, say so early; intentional dating is easier when you start with your own answer.
  2. Do not rush a label because of the calendar. A relationship built to meet a deadline — the office party, the family dinner — tends to wobble when the deadline passes.
  3. Plan daytime dates as well as cosy nights. Seeing each other by daylight is a better test of how you get on.
  4. Talk about the holidays before they arrive. Gifts, families and New Year’s Eve can all get awkward fast; the holidays with a new partner covers how much is enough.
  5. Look ahead to February. If you are still together in the new year, Valentine’s Day when you have just started dating is the next small test of where you both stand.

And if you are single and happy to stay that way until spring, that is an entirely respectable winter plan. Cuffing season is a trend, not an obligation.

If the person you would cuff is taken

Winter has a way of sharpening a crush on someone you cannot have: the friend whose partner is always at the party, the colleague whose relationship you hear about over the festive lunch. Wanting them is not wrong, and it does not make you a bad person. Feelings that cross relationship lines are normal; acting on them in secret, by cheating or lying, is the part that would be wrong.

You can tell them, and some people do, but saying it out loud at the Christmas party carries real risks for everyone. If they are not free, there is another way to make the feeling count, without asking anything of them now. A crush on someone who is taken walks through all the options.

Where IF fits: a feeling that does not have to wait for spring to be said

Every winter brings the same question: if you could choose anyone to spend the dark evenings with, who would it be? IF is built for whatever your honest answer is. Anyone can use it to tell anyone how they feel, partnered or not: a feeling that took root at the festive lunch or across a pub table can be written down this winter and acted on whenever the timing allows.

If the person you would choose is single and has a profile, and you are single too, the season can start the ordinary way: a Like from you, an acceptance from them, and a chat in which to plan the first frosty walk. If they are with someone, or you are, it is an IF: 250 characters, sealed from the start, and silent until you are both single. It might read: “Every party this December, I’ve somehow ended up wherever you were standing. I know you’re with someone. If that ever changes, I’d love to spend a winter finding out why.” If the one you would cuff is already on IF, they might be notified that an IF has come in, though neither your name nor your words show until it opens.

And if someone does cuff you this winter, you do not have to delete anything. Mark yourself “in a relationship” and make it IF official: your Likes and chats clear, but your account stays, so an IF meant for you can still find its way to you.

For the details, the explainer on how an IF works has them all. Your first IF is free, so say it while the nights are long.

Questions people ask

When is cuffing season?

Roughly from October to February, when the evenings draw in and the festive season fills the calendar. It is often said to peak around the holidays and to wind down after Valentine’s Day, though there is no official start or end.

Do cuffing season relationships last?

Some do and some do not, like relationships that begin in any month. The season can bring people together; it cannot keep them together. What matters is whether you want the same things once the weather turns, which is worth asking before it does.

What is uncuffing season?

It is the joking name for spring, when some winter couples quietly part ways as the evenings lengthen and social lives move outdoors again. If you are worried about it, the cure is the same conversation: ask what this is before March asks for you.

Is it wrong to want someone just for the winter?

Not if you are honest about it. Two people who both want something light and warm for a few months can have a lovely time. The trouble comes when one of you wants a season and the other wants a future, and nobody says so.

Whatever the season, say what you want plainly. And if the one you would choose this winter is with someone else for now, an IF can carry the feeling until your timing lines up.